Gabriel's Horn

A terribly biased view of sports through the Eyes of Texas.

Archive for the ‘Get your act together dammit’ Category

Well, actually we were lying…

Posted by TxHny on September 15, 2011

We were totally dead.  You should have known, since we categorized the last post as “empty promises.”

Basically, TxHny and The Masked Wino, n/k/a RubyLynn got real jobs, got married, and had very busy lives.  Gabriel’s Horn fell by the wayside.  I know, we sparked a fire in your previously suppressed abandonment issues, which took copious amounts of booze to rebury. We’re sorry.

BUT – just in time for your birthday, we’re back. Check us out on, our new blog about everything important, which includes college and pro football, traveling, cooking, a bunch of grown up crapola, and the content you’ve been missing terribly.

Oh wait? You didn’t miss us? At all? This is why we abandoned you in the first place you ungrateful brat!

Please read our new blog. You aren’t a brat. We’re sorry.


Posted in Dick Cheney is a bad motha - shut yo mouth!, empty promises, Get your act together dammit, txhny, we're sorry | Leave a Comment »

Excuses, Excuses.

Posted by TxHny on November 28, 2007


Thanksgiving Holiday —> Must See Family
Must See Family —> Crowded Airports
Crowded Airports —> Lots of germs
Lots of germs —> Very sick
Must See Family —> Must go to Podunk, Texas
Podunk, Texas —> No internet access
Must See Family —> Verge of Insanity
Texas Wins —> Happiness
Texas Loses —> Sadness
Texas Loses to Texas A&M —> Complete Despair
Must See Family —> Must Take Off From Work
Must Take Off From Work —> Very Behind At Work

Very Sick + No Internet Access + Verge of Insanity + No Happines + Sadness  + Complete Dispair + Very Behind at Work = Total Blog Neglect.

Promise: back on track this week. In the meantime, enjoy the following and — I think we can all agree with dahorns: Go Longhorn Basketball!!

Aggie Pwned:

Giving Him The Business (HT: RonB)

Adult Swim BCS Commentary (HT: Kevo)
Boston Can Suck it!

In preparation for the Cowboys/Green Bay game… an oldie from one of our favorite blogs: Kissing Suzy Kolber.

Posted in basketball, Cowboys, Get your act together dammit, random babble, txhny | 5 Comments »

Throwback – Tech Students Riot

Posted by TxHny on November 7, 2007

This is an article brought out from the print-archives of yesteryear (last year to be exact). The article is a little dated, but it was so good, I couldn’t resist reposting for your reading pleasure. As always, thanks for your input Stephon, you’re a real American hero.


Tech Students Riot In Bout to Get Mascot Changed
By: Stephon Oceantombs, Guest Columnist



Lubbock erupted into fiery, dust ridden chaos Monday as students rioted in hopes to get the mascot of the school changed to a pirate in honor of coach Leach. 



Over the years, a certain disdain has grown over the current mascot of “Raider Red” and the Masked Rider, with very few students actually knowing what either one was for. “I’ve always been concerned with vandalizing the UT bus more than anything else… Oh, and beer”, was the answer given by Hunter Killsalot from Cut & Shoot when asked why he didn’t know what the two mascots were for. The answers from other students were similar, with most of them thinking more about where the nearest STD test facility was located and how they were going to afford the MIP ticket they got last week. 



This whole fiasco started after the New York Times featured an article about coach Leach and his affinity for pirates. This and Tech’s recent bout with a disease called “massive suck so bad we lose to Colorado” led to students, in a drunken rage, questioning the usefulness of the mascot. One student was heard screaming “What the @#$%@ is a masked rider?!” with others questioning Tech’s decision not to go with some other mascot. “They could have given us a mythical creature, like an Aggie or something. That would have been better than a masked rider” said Angela Fratwhore from Cotton Center as she finished off her 40 and attempted to make out with me. She proceeded to explain to me how her two year-old son and two and a half year old daughter could have come up with a better mascot. I would have quoted it here but her speech became so slurred it was impossible understand. 



Meeting with Coach Leach to discuss the riot, I learned of his support of the students and the mascot change. “Hang on, let me get this dust out of my Jack and coke… Yeah, I think the students are right on track here. Masked riders can’t swing swords, they just shoot things, how sissy is that? If we had a pirate mascot we could have a sword swinger right there on the field with the players (and me!)”, said Leach. His babbling went on to talk little about football but instead focused on the history of pirates and some “booty” that he had claimed at a strip club the night before. I left soon after, since there wasn’t much more I was going to squeeze out of the vault that is Mike Leach. Well, that and the fact that he passed out halfway through writing down a play on a napkin. 


Maybe a pirate mascot is what this team needs. Maybe this riot will teach Tech that when they claim to “still ride horses” in their commercial, cars get torched. Or, maybe something just needs to be done to keep the dust out of our beer when the wind starts blowing. Whatever the case may be, the Tech fans are in a fighting mood, the same mood that anyone so liquored up, they’d do their mom, would be. So lock your cars, hide the fact you’re a UT fan and enjoy Lubbock. Just remember, if a Raider gets too close, offer it some beer, it will go away… Or, just puke all over your shoes.


Posted in Get your act together dammit, like - school spirit!, texas tech | Leave a Comment »

Meet the Opponent Returns – Oklahoma State

Posted by TxHny on November 2, 2007


Dear Horn readers, sorry for the lack of content. Back firing on all cylinders – much the way I hope our team is this Saturday.

(Oh and side news – I got a new Mac computer. Bow down, Dell!)

Up on the slate – Oklahoma State Cowpeople. As others have noted, Texas is not exactly out of a BCS bowl. There are several, albeit remote, possibilities that would see Texas in a bowl game. I’d love to see those play out, but they rely heavily on 1) our ability to win out and 2) chance, luck and the complexities of rolling a twenty sided die. (Yes. That is a D&D reference. You like it.)

“No dungeon master worth his weight in geldings would go anywhere without his… 20-sided die!”

I guess that is getting a bit ahead of ourselves, for now let’s take a more in depth look at Okie Light.

This year OSU has had three losses: Georgia, Texas A&M, and the roughest for the Cowboys – the less than Trojan-like team from Troy University. Georgia and A&M aren’t exactly cupcakes – but losses there didn’t really help them out. Alternatively, they did beat K-State, Nebraska (by 31 points) and Texas Tech. The big factor in this game on Saturday? Who shows up. Will it be “the same OSU team that played Troy” vs. “the Texas from last week’s 4th quarter” — or will it be “the OSU that trounced Nebraska” vs. “the Texas that was 10-7 with Baylor for large parts of the game”?

(Credit where it is due. This post not possible without the help of ESPN and


Rushing – Okie Light
Right now Okie Light is rushing an average of 256.63 yards per game, led by Senior RB Dantrell Savage. (A little comparison – Texas is averaging 186.67 yards per game led overwhelmingly by Jamaal Charles.)

Passing – Texas

Oklahoma State has 1847 yards, 1300 and change thrown by Sophie QB Zac Robinson. Robinson has completed 56% of his passes for 12 TDs, throwing only 7 interceptions. Comparatively, Colt has thrown 65% of his passes for 15 TDs, 2350 yards and 13 interceptions (OUCH!).

Receiving – Texas

The Pokes have a stable receiving core led by Adarius Bowman (50 Receptions for 802 yards), Brandon Pettigrew (19 Receptions for 362 yards) and Freshman Dez Bryant (15 receptions for 190 yards).

For Texas, Nate Jones and Quan Cosby have been so clutch this year. It certainly hurts not having Sweed out there but these guys have really stepped up. Jones (53 receptions for 585 yards), Cosby (46 receptions for 472 yards) and Finley (30 receptions for 421 yards) have put up a total of 1478 yards trumping OSUs top three recievers.

Offensive Summary:

Texas MUST shut down the Oklahoma State ground game. I won’t show you the painful YouTube clips of UCF running all over us. If we cannot shut them down on the ground, the game could get very, very ugly. Oh, and Texas MUST shut them down in the air. OSU hasn’t gotten much attention this year – but they have the ability to put up significant yards both in the air and on the ground. If we lay over, they will happily march over us.

Texas has the edge in the air – that is if good Colt plays on Saturday.

Will the real McCoy, please stand up, please stand up.


DAMN IT. Kindle out for the season with a “stinger.” I’m getting really sick of all these “stinger” injuries.

Mini-Okies have picked off six from opponents this year, and has allowed 15 passing TDs and 11 rushing TDS. They’ve allowed opponents to rack up 308 yards per game passing and 122.75 yards per game rushing.

Texas has had 11 picks and allowed only 17 TDs (10 passing and 7 rushing). Texas gives up the most yards per game on the pass. (227.6 yards per game, only 94.11 yards per game on the rush.)


1. Our defensive players must step up this week, particularly with the latest stinger injury. Please Killebrew. I’ll take back everything negative I’ve ever said — just please, please shut them down.

2. Oklahoma State is weakest on pass defense. We must make it a point to abuse this. These little two and three yard rushes are not going to cut it.

3. Oklahoma State is beatable, some would even say obviously so. However, as we are in the year of the upset, you can’t count anyone out – particularly someone who has nicely beat two teams, one a Texas loss and the other a Texas struggle. CAN Texas beat them? Hell yes. WILL we beat them? That depends on …

4. Who shows up – easily the most important factor in this game.

Posted in Big 12, Get your act together dammit, meat and taters, Meet The Opponent, Oklahoma State, Texas, txhny | 1 Comment »


Posted by TxHny on October 29, 2007

No, not really. You may have thought we were due to the severe lack of posting.

Your editors were quite busy with law school, the real world (not the television show), work, being sick and a flux of entertaining.

Expect us back on the horse this week, and as promised a Big State review and much much more football content.

We’re sorry, and in case you were worried, this is our official statement: Kidnapped, we were not.

Posted in Get your act together dammit, txhny | Leave a Comment »

Meet the Opponent: Oklahoma

Posted by RubyLynn on October 5, 2007

Now, the real question is, why would you want to meet your opponent this week? Sooners are toothless, illiterate trailer trash who suck so hard that they’re keeping the entire state of Texas from floating into the Gulf of Mexico.(Edit:) not having any part of a little pre-game jest. If they’re fans are willing to castrate members of the Longhorn Nation, just imagine what their football team will do to us.

To be honest, I haven’t really been looking forward to this game at all this year, even before the losses to Kansas State and Colorado. The Longhorns still have problems with defense, and our offense is in BIG trouble after what we saw versus Kansas State. Oklahoma’s new quarterback may look like the missing link, but he’ll do horrible, horrible things to our defense. I’m generally an optimistic individual, but this year I’m just hoping that it’s not as bad as my first Cotton Bowl experience, when we were pummeled 65-13. Then again, they DID lose to Colorado, so there’s hope for us yet!

If we do pull off the win, My biggest question for the game this weekend, is how are the cameras are going to be able to handle it? Will there be another crying OU kid?? Maybe a little girl this time?

(Edit:) A Sweet little dickens, enjoying the football game.
Picture, ESPN

The original crying OU kid.

(Edit:) Exhausted OU child, with Longhorn ancestry, not crying about the loss to Colorado.
Picture, FSN

Crying OU kid, Version 2.0

So what do you say when faced with the burden of a crying OU kid in your midst? We at the Horn have some ideas:

  • It’s okay, at least you get to go home Oklahoma now. (sarcasm)
  • At least you won’t have to move, since Daddy won’t be able to afford that double-wide after losing all his money gambling on the Sooners.
  • Someday you’ll grow up to be a Sooner too, that is if you can marry your sister, lose your baby and adult teeth and manage to get at least C’s.
  • Don’t cry, just get drunk with Daddy when you get back to Norman. It keeps him happy.
  • I bet your folks won’t make you brush your teeth for a whole month (as opposed to a whole week).
  • You got on national television!
  • If you’re feeling down, see if Mom will take you to the Bob Stoops Visor Museum on the way home.
  • There’s always next year, kiddo.

Okay, okay… so those aren’t really comforting. But then what can you say to convince a mini varmint that their life doesn’t suck?

Hopefully our Horns pull out the win. I wouldn’t put money on it, but hopefully Mack and the boys can prove me wrong. Hook’em!

(Edit:) Clearly this is low-brow jest on the eve of the biggest game of our season. General Concession: We know all of our opponents are not the toothless varmints we make them out to be. In fact, the players and fans are supporters and representatives of fine universities across the nation – something we can relate to here at Texas.

Now, is that going to stop us on OU weekend from making fun of Sooners? No. It isn’t. Are we sorry your kid got picked on? I mean, maybe. Nobody — even the TV station — insisted this was some sort of documentary. It is football coverage. College. Football. Coverage.

If this really offended you to the point of needing to assert “the truth” rather than just let an openly sarcastic, jesful blog have a little fun on Longhorn Football Christmas, we’re sorry. Genuinely. Smack-talking is part of it all – and we feel badly you’re unable to appreciate its importance.


Posted in Big 12, Get your act together dammit, Meet The Opponent, Oklahoma, themaskedwino, toothless varmints | 2 Comments »

Big XII Roundtable – Rise of the North

Posted by TxHny on October 3, 2007

This week’s Big XII Roundtable is hosted over at Clone Chronicles. Check it out to see everyone else’s responses.

Were Saturday’s games a sign that the Big 12 North may be on its way back?

The conference is pretty weak as a whole. People are now talking about the Big 12 the way they talk about the Big East (which makes me want to vomit.)

My Top Ten Weak List
1. Big 12
2. Texas (at least we’re at the top somewhere!!)
3. Tony Romo
4. Greg Davis
5. The f***ing screen pass!!
6. Cavemen Sitcom
7. David Hasselhoff
8. Traffic in Austin
9. Having to work on Saturday
10. Your mother

The Hoff is not as weak as your football team.

Is the Big 12 North “back”? I mean, they are certainly winning games against the South that they wouldn’t have won a couple of years ago. However, there will need to be consistent wins before we use the word “back.” (i.e. when the Nebraska-Colorado or the Missouri-Kansas game winners are considered national title contenders.) You can’t start talking about a power-shift to the North just because of one upset on Saturday. Just like you can’t start calling Chiles VY just because he’s African-American and scrambles well. (Please God. I’m a good Catholic. I know you can turn water into wine, sugar into cocaine, and vitamins in to amphetamines. Can you please turn John Chiles into Vince Young? Please!??!)

How seriously do we take the hot starts at Mizzou and Kansas?

Oh my god — Have you seen Lindsey Lohan, she’s totally cracked out on drugs! Oh, and Oprah gained/lost 80 pounds!!! And I was watching ESPN yesterday, and they were talking about Notre Dame! Shocking!!!

Yeah… not shocking. You’ve heard it before – just like this Mizzou/Kansas hype. I think Mizzou and Kansas have great talent and coaches. I’m just getting sort of sick of getting excited about them, and then watching them fizzle out.

Pick one team from the opposite division that you truly hate, and say why; follow this up by picking another team from the opposite division that you don’t mind pulling for, and say why.

Right now, I’d love to hate Kansas State. That is mostly being bitter – I don’t really hate them. I’d say Nebraska because they consistently give us trouble – but the fans are great and it is rarely a disappointing game. Colorado kinda pisses me off because they are either a) really good and beat us at inopportune moments or b) suck really bad and make Big 12 look (even) worse. Then again, they have a beautiful campus and fantastic fans. So… Iowa State? Yeah — Iowa State! How dare you take Gene Chizik! THIS is your fault!!!!!!

I’d love to see Missouri do well. Frankly, I want them to live up to the potential they clearly have.

The NCAA has enacted a rule allowing you to bring back one senior that graduated last year to play for your team for the rest of the season. Would you do it? And if so, who?

Get in my belly.

Justin Blalock, for sure. Our offensive line is terrible, and with his big hits and leadership, he could whip these kiddos into shape before Colt is concussioned out of the season.

Rank the conference teams.

I did this lottery style, because I pretty much have no idea what is going to happen on Saturday. It didn’t turn out too badly, Iowa State and Baylor still managed to be at the bottom. The top of the list is out of order a bit – but these days, who knows? Sure as hell isn’t me.

1. Kansas

2. Texas Tech

3. Oklahoma

4. Oklahoma State

5. Colorado

6. Texas

7. Kansas State

8. Texas A&M

9. Missouri

10. Nebraska

11. Baylor

12. Iowa State

Posted in Big 12, blog love, Get your act together dammit, Texas, Tony Romo - hate hate hate, txhny | 4 Comments »

Meet the Opponent: Kansas State

Posted by TxHny on September 28, 2007

According to a reputable website the following behavioral indicators might provide corroborating evidence to explain exactly what happened last year:

“Did you change your routine in any way? Did you skip school classes, avoid places where the perpetrator might be? Did you stay in your room, grow silent, give others unusual explanations for your behavior?”

The answer to all of these are yes. So, if you weren’t perfectly clear about what happened last year: we were raped. I know, I know, it has been tough on all of us. However, with the proper counseling and a nice win on Saturday we’ll all be just fine.

Per usual, BON has tidied things up nicely with both this and this.

We’re just hoping it looks a lot more like this:

Rather than this:





Posted in Big 12, Get your act together dammit, Kansas State, Texas, txhny | Leave a Comment »

Poor Aggies… and Big 12 too.

Posted by TxHny on September 21, 2007

In case you missed it, the Aggies fell to Miami last night in a rather unimpressive showing.

As much as I like my Aggie friends, I normally revel in an Aggie loss. (Particularly losses to Texas.) However, this does nothing for our already weak schedule. After this coming week’s game with Rice, we have the make-or-break clash of the titans in Dallas. (I’m currently reading Running With the Big Dogs, a book I somehow neglected during my tenure as a student. If you haven’t read it – pick up a copy, worth the read.) I’m not saying we will or won’t lose to Oklahoma, but a loss there is (as always) huge.

Besides Oklahoma, and potentially Nebraska or Tech, A&M was the last challenge we had to bolster our national title (or at least other BCS bowl) aspirations. As the rankings stand Nebraska and OU remain as our only ranked opponents. Tech could be ranked, as they will have to prove themselves against Mizzou. A loss to Oklahoma would be a kiss of death. (But you knew this already.) The season is certainly far from over, and I’m not counting my chickens yet, but these are dark days for the Big XII my friends.

And speaking of the kiss of death, this little scenario doesn’t bode well for Fran. Hear me out, I’m not voting him off the island after one loss. The win against Texas last year saved Fran in the eyes of many Aggies, many were still calling for his head. After this loss, and then if there are two or three losses to Tech, Nebraska, OU and Texas – given the weak state of the conference I think Fran will be firmly planted in the hot seat. Let’s hope the Ags pull wins in those games, except to Texas of course. (And no, I’m not ready to talk about Mack, Greg or Akina/McDuff. Ask me after Nebraska.)

Say Poor Aggies all you want but I really wish they would have kicked the snot out of the hurricanes just to put a notch on Big XII’s (and potentially Texas’) belt.

And the echo across the state: Fran, why didn’t Lane get more playing time??


Posted in Big 12, Get your act together dammit, Texas, Texas A&M, txhny | Leave a Comment »

Meet the Opponent: RICE

Posted by TxHny on September 20, 2007

Well Longhorn fans, it is that time of year again. Texas vs. Rice, Saturday 22, 2007 at 6pm.

Why indeed? I always enjoy football, particularly home Texas games. The atmosphere, the tailgating, the Longhorn comradery and the legitimate excuse to pop open a beer before noon. You might not think much of Rice as an opponent but, [Insert my typical, long, drawn-out rant about how playing teams like this can do nothing but hurt us. Win big, win small, lose – doesn’t matter. Still hurts us.] let’s just hope this is another great game enjoyed by all.

Wasn’t that benevolent?

We introduced you to Rice last year by showing you a bit about Owl traditions, but this year we’d like to take a more in-depth look at some Owl statistics for this season.

Rice has played three teams: Nicholls State, Baylor and Texas Tech. All three were losses. Rather than focus on the negative, we’re going to take the stats game by game and walk you through the strengths and improvements of Rice. I didn’t take the time to make my long rant about playing teams like Rice, and I won’t do it here either. However, if Texas wins by only a touchdown or two – things could get very, very ugly come October 6th. If Rice can play their strengths and exploit our weaknesse (which are numerous), they’ll be able to shut us down.

(Credit where it is due. This post not possible without the help of ESPN and


Nicholls – 117 yards, Baylor – 110, Texas Tech – 99

What does this mean? This is a fair number of yards. Nicholls and Baylor aren’t exactly powerhouse opponents, but the Owls can make some runs. The average yards per carry over the three games decreased but that makes sense considering the increasing difficulty of opponent.

The rushing is led by C. J. Ugokwe who has picked up 157 yards so far and averages 4 yards per carry. Not much statistical improvement here over the first three games, but again, likely tougher defenses.

Nicholls – 28 attempts, 11 compl, 101 yards, Baylor – 30, 23, 239, Texas Tech – 38, 20, 212.

What does this mean? Rice has improved over the course, in spite of more challenging opponents in the air. Junior QB Chase Clement is settling in and making more completions. After throwing three INTs against Nicholls, he gave up only one pick against Texas Tech. We can expect Rice to be (or at least try to be) a thorn in the side of the Longhorn pass defense.


Leading the receiving corps is Junior WR Jarrett Dillard, followed by Tommy Henderson. Dillard has picked up 244 yards this year and is averaging 14 yards per catch. Add on Dixon and Knox, and the Owls have plenty of receivers to hit.

Offensive Summary:

Texas will face a team with improved offensive play. The Owls offense is balanced, splitting the ground and the air. Texas has given up 974 yards to opponents this year. Needless to say, our defense needs work. Despite the improvement of the Owls and my disapproval of the Longhorn D, I simply don’t think it will be enough to give Rice a ‘W’.


The Owls have 4 sacks this year, two against Baylor. On the slightly negative side, Rice has given up 1394 yards to opponents this year. That seems really awful, but 991 of those yards are in the air. With two “pass-first, pass-only” teams (Baylor and Tech), this really isn’t so bad. After all, Graham Harrell’s arm is registered with the U.S. Military as a WMD.

There are some names on the line worth mentioning, and if we continue our current path these guys are going to hit us where it hurts.

Brian Raines, Jr LB, has 14 solo, and 12 assisted tackles including 2.5 tackles for loss. Andres Sendejo, Sophomore DB, has 14 solo tackles himself including 1 tackle for loss. Chris Jones and Brandon King, also DBs, have 11 solo tackles.


The rant I said I wouldn’t make is now finally rearing its ugly head. Rice does not have the assets to beat us, if we play at least as “well” as we have the past three weeks. That said, Longhorn fans want blood. Mostly because our foes want us on the chopping block and this game has the potential to put us there. Eeking out pathetic wins against unranked teams is not making us look good to the rest of football-dom.

We have three choices here:

1) beat Rice by the standard 40 points. Everyone says, so what? It’s Rice. You’ve always beaten them. You’re bigger, stronger, faster, better recruited, have state of the art facilities and the best coaches (arguable, of course) in Texas. We have yet another win against a cupcake that makes our schedule wither in comparison to the likes of the SEC.

2) barely eek out another pathetic win against an unranked team, i.e. Texas wins by a touchdown or two, and kicks a field goal (that’s my-boy Ryan Bailey!) for good measure. Everyone does that stupid clap song “O-VER-RAT-ED – clap clap clap” when we play them. Some of the Texas fans join in. This sentence enters the vocabulary of our opponents: “Well, you know Texas only beat Rice by a touchdown or two, which completely confirms the jeers we were saying after that Arkansas State game.”

3) upset. Normally I’d say never going to happen, but again, Michigan changed everything.

Are any of these good for us? No. No they aren’t. Alright. If you know me personally, I’ve said this 100 times. Now it is officially on the blog. And I promise to never bring it up ever, ever again.

Posted in blog love, Get your act together dammit, meat and taters, Meet The Opponent, Rice, txhny | 2 Comments »