Gabriel's Horn

A terribly biased view of sports through the Eyes of Texas.

Meet the Opponent: Oklahoma

Posted by RubyLynn on October 5, 2007

Now, the real question is, why would you want to meet your opponent this week? Sooners are toothless, illiterate trailer trash who suck so hard that they’re keeping the entire state of Texas from floating into the Gulf of Mexico.(Edit:) not having any part of a little pre-game jest. If they’re fans are willing to castrate members of the Longhorn Nation, just imagine what their football team will do to us.

To be honest, I haven’t really been looking forward to this game at all this year, even before the losses to Kansas State and Colorado. The Longhorns still have problems with defense, and our offense is in BIG trouble after what we saw versus Kansas State. Oklahoma’s new quarterback may look like the missing link, but he’ll do horrible, horrible things to our defense. I’m generally an optimistic individual, but this year I’m just hoping that it’s not as bad as my first Cotton Bowl experience, when we were pummeled 65-13. Then again, they DID lose to Colorado, so there’s hope for us yet!

If we do pull off the win, My biggest question for the game this weekend, is how are the cameras are going to be able to handle it? Will there be another crying OU kid?? Maybe a little girl this time?

(Edit:) A Sweet little dickens, enjoying the football game.
Picture, ESPN

The original crying OU kid.

(Edit:) Exhausted OU child, with Longhorn ancestry, not crying about the loss to Colorado.
Picture, FSN

Crying OU kid, Version 2.0

So what do you say when faced with the burden of a crying OU kid in your midst? We at the Horn have some ideas:

  • It’s okay, at least you get to go home Oklahoma now. (sarcasm)
  • At least you won’t have to move, since Daddy won’t be able to afford that double-wide after losing all his money gambling on the Sooners.
  • Someday you’ll grow up to be a Sooner too, that is if you can marry your sister, lose your baby and adult teeth and manage to get at least C’s.
  • Don’t cry, just get drunk with Daddy when you get back to Norman. It keeps him happy.
  • I bet your folks won’t make you brush your teeth for a whole month (as opposed to a whole week).
  • You got on national television!
  • If you’re feeling down, see if Mom will take you to the Bob Stoops Visor Museum on the way home.
  • There’s always next year, kiddo.

Okay, okay… so those aren’t really comforting. But then what can you say to convince a mini varmint that their life doesn’t suck?

Hopefully our Horns pull out the win. I wouldn’t put money on it, but hopefully Mack and the boys can prove me wrong. Hook’em!

(Edit:) Clearly this is low-brow jest on the eve of the biggest game of our season. General Concession: We know all of our opponents are not the toothless varmints we make them out to be. In fact, the players and fans are supporters and representatives of fine universities across the nation – something we can relate to here at Texas.

Now, is that going to stop us on OU weekend from making fun of Sooners? No. It isn’t. Are we sorry your kid got picked on? I mean, maybe. Nobody — even the TV station — insisted this was some sort of documentary. It is football coverage. College. Football. Coverage.

If this really offended you to the point of needing to assert “the truth” rather than just let an openly sarcastic, jesful blog have a little fun on Longhorn Football Christmas, we’re sorry. Genuinely. Smack-talking is part of it all – and we feel badly you’re unable to appreciate its importance.



2 Responses to “Meet the Opponent: Oklahoma”

  1. Mary said

    The kid crying #2 is my kid. He was not crying because OU lost. He was not crying at the end of the game. He was tired, it was loud and he couldn’t see (around 2pm). He woke up extremely early that morning because he was excited to pick his Longhorn Grandpa at the airport. The stupid TV camera people must have shot him earlier in the game and then put him on TV at the end of the game.

  2. txhny said

    I guess this means the trip to the Bob Stoops Visor Museum is out? Sigh… What is this world coming to?!

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