Gabriel's Horn

A terribly biased view of sports through the Eyes of Texas.

I’m Glad I’m A Longhorn – Day 3

Posted by TxHny on November 14, 2007

Aggie Jokes are like bellybuttons – everyone has one. Here are a few of my favorites – add yours in the comments – or if you dare, give us your best shot back!

 

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I know a great Aggie joke. You want to hear it?” The bartender says, “Well, before you tell it I should probably tell you that I went to A&M. And you see those two big guys sitting next to you — they were linebackers for the A&M football team. And those two guys on your other side — they’re Marines, and they used to be in the Corps of Cadets at A&M. Now, are you sure you really want to tell that Aggie joke?” The guy thinks for a second. “I guess not,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times.”

 

An Aggie student is doing an experiment with a frog. He wants to see how far the frog jumps each time he cuts off a eg. The Aggie student cuts off one of the frogs legs and says, “Jump froggy.” He records in his notebook, “Froggy with three legs jumps one foot.” He cuts off a second leg and says, “Jump froggy.” In his notebook he writes, “Froggy with two legs jumps six inches.” He cuts off its third leg and says, “Jump froggy.” He writes down in his notebook, “Froggy with one leg jumps 3 inches.” Then he cuts off its last leg and says, “Jump froggy.” The frog just sits there. The Aggie says again, “Jump froggy!” but the frog just sits there. Finally, he writes in his
notebook, “Froggy with no legs can’t hear.”

Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
On the A&M campus, because that’s the last place you’ll find a football player.

 

How can you tell an Aggie is on location at a drilling rig?
He’s the one throwing bread to the helicopters.

There was a group of Aggie science students that wanted to send a probe to the sun, but some UT students said that was impossible and that the probe would burn up long before reaching the sun. The Aggies replied that they planned to send the probe at night.

 

A Longhorn, a Techster and an Aggie went into a bar for a drink. The longhorn tells the bartender, I’ll have a TC. The bartender says ”what’s that?” . The Longhorn says ”you know, a Tom Collins.” The Techster says ”I’ll have a PC.” The bartender says ”what’s that?” The Techster says “a Pina Colida.” The Aggie says “I’ll have a 15.” The bartender says ”what’s that?” The aggie says “you know — seven & seven”.

Aggie 1: Did you hear the good news? Scientists discovered that Mad Cow Disease is not able to be sexually transmitted.
Aggie 2: What a relief!

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6 Responses to “I’m Glad I’m A Longhorn – Day 3”

  1. How do you keep an Aggie from masturbating?
    Paint his “junk” red and black and he’ll never beat it.

    Two Aggies walk into a bar. You’d think the second one would’ve ducked.

    Why are Aggies the butt of all jokes?
    Because it’s TRADITION!

    A longhorn, a red raider, and an aggie all go out on a hunting trip. Unfortunately they only have one gun, so the longhorn goes out first. He comes back later with a dead rabbit. “Whoa, how’d you get that?” ask the raider and aggie. Longhorn replies, “Well, I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, BANG! shot me a rabbit.” “Cool”, the other two respond. Then the raider goes out with the gun. He comes back later with a dead buck. “Whoa, how’d you get that?” ask the longhorn and aggie. Raider replies, “Well, I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, BANG! shot me a buck.” “Cool”, the other two respond. So then the aggie grabs the gun and takes off. He comes back in bandages, completely banged up and bruised. “Whoa, what happened to you?” ask the longhorn and the raider. Aggie replies, “Well, I saw the tracks, followed the tracks, BANG! The train hit me.”

  2. TB said

    I have a feeling this is going to be like grade school when I told a joke and nobody laughed, but here goes anyway…

    “Texas A&M: Home of the One-Tooth Man.”

    (Explanations forthcoming if requested)

  3. txhny said

    Does it something to do with the inventor of the toothbrush?

    🙂

  4. JoDB said

    What would happen if all the Aggies left Texas and moved to Oklahoma?

    The average IQ’s of the two states would go up.

  5. rocat said

    An Aggie travels up to Alaska and gets into an argument with the locals about how great and manly Aggies are…

    They tell him: “Around here, we don’t call anyone a real man until he chugs a quart of whiskey, wrestles a polar bear, and makes love to an Eskimo woman all in one night.”
    So the Aggie says, “Sounds easy enough, where’s the bottle?”
    He chugs the quart of whiskey without stopping, then bundles into his coat and wanders out into the night.
    Hours later, he limps back in, all cut up and bruised and battered, and exclaims: “All right, now where’s that Eskimo woman I’m supposed to wrestle???”

  6. Mel said

    Do you know what they call a brain tumor on an Aggie? Hemorroids.

    Do you know why an Aggie always carries a piece of shit in his wallet? Identification.

    An Aggie walked into a doctor’s office with a frog on his head. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?” “I’d like to have this wart removed from my ass,” said the frog.

    A man sitting under a tree looked up and saw an Aggie walking down the road towards him with a pig under his arm. The man asks, “That’s a fine looking animal you have there. Where did you get him?” “I won him at the country fair,” answered the pig.

    Texas A&M and Baylor were tied 0-0 late in the fourth quarter when the Aggies had the ball deep in Baylor terriory. A train blew its whistle as it passed close to the stadium. Thinking that was the end of the game, the Baylor team left the field thinking they had held on to secure a tie. The Aggies knew better and stayed on the field to complete the game. Three plays later, their drive stalled and they ended up kicking a field goal to win the game.

    An Aggie was going fishing when he noticed a sign at the bait shop that said “All the worms you want–$1.” The Aggie asked the owner if the sign was for real. The owner said it was indeed true. The Aggie says, “That price is too good to pass up. You better give me $2 worth.”

    The same Aggie was out fishing with his roommate. They had the best day of fishing in their lives, but it was getting late and they had to return their rental boat to the dock. “How are we going to remember where this hotspot is located?” asked one Aggie. The other Aggie had an idea and reached into his tackle box to get a piece of chalk that he used to make a large “X” on the bottom of the boat. “There you go, that’ll mark this spot for us for the next time.” The other Aggie shook his head in utter amazement. “What are you thinking? No wonder people are always making fun of Aggies and their lack of intelligence. Just what makes you think we’ll get this same boat again next time?”

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