Gabriel's Horn

A terribly biased view of sports through the Eyes of Texas.

Archive for the ‘empty promises’ Category

Well, actually we were lying…

Posted by TxHny on September 15, 2011

We were totally dead.  You should have known, since we categorized the last post as “empty promises.”

Basically, TxHny and The Masked Wino, n/k/a RubyLynn got real jobs, got married, and had very busy lives.  Gabriel’s Horn fell by the wayside.  I know, we sparked a fire in your previously suppressed abandonment issues, which took copious amounts of booze to rebury. We’re sorry.

BUT – just in time for your birthday, we’re back. Check us out on http://www.texas-toast.com, our new blog about everything important, which includes college and pro football, traveling, cooking, a bunch of grown up crapola, and the content you’ve been missing terribly.

Oh wait? You didn’t miss us? At all? This is why we abandoned you in the first place you ungrateful brat!

Please read our new blog. You aren’t a brat. We’re sorry.

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Posted in Dick Cheney is a bad motha - shut yo mouth!, empty promises, Get your act together dammit, txhny, we're sorry | Leave a Comment »

No, We’re Not Dead.

Posted by RubyLynn on February 21, 2008

Hello out there in Longhorn land!

We just wanted to post something quick to let everyone know we didn’t faint or die from exhaustion at an Obama rally. (Although we did have minor freakouts from the Cowboys poor performance in the playoffs – AGAIN.) We here at the Horn are alive and well; we’re just BIG slackers.

Given that neither Txhny nor I are big basketball fans (don’t get us wrong, we enjoy watching the Horns, but neither of us feel we know enough to put any sort of commentary online), we haven’t posted much over the past few months.

This will mainly be a football blog come late summer/early fall, but we’re hoping to post some baseball content every once in a while now that the season is here.

Thanks for those of you who have commented and emailed saying you miss us!

Hook’em!

TheMaskedWino & Txhny

And for those of you who have yet to vote: Freedom is popular again.

Posted in empty promises, random babble, themaskedwino, Tony Romo - hate hate hate | 4 Comments »

Big XII Roundtable – State of the Conference Address

Posted by TxHny on September 28, 2007

This week the Bix XII Roundtable hosted over at Crimson and Cream Machine returns. I’ve been frankly quite busy with work, so I’ve let my good friend write the post for me. He’s a little media shy so we’ll just call him “G. W.” to protect his personal privacy. Privacy is very important to G. W. (*Cough* *cough – wheeze* Patriot Act *cough*. You’ll have to excuse me, my allergies are killing me. Damn ragweed. *Sneeze*)

The Big 12 conference has only four unbeaten teams left and has endured numerous embarrassing performances on television. State where you believe the Big 12 ranks among the BCS conferences.

“What are you talking about? Of course the Big XII is the best conference in the world. What? You think the SEC, the Big East, or pff the Pac 10 can mess with us? Don’t mess with Texas. You fool me once well, shame on you. Fool me twice, and you aren’t going to fool me twice. Ya got that? Heh, heh, heh.”

What has been the conference’s best victory and worst defeat so far this season?

“What we need to discuss is the battle at hand: terrorists! We have to devote all possible resources and manpower to taking out these ‘ax-eeze’ of power. We’ve got the terrorists on the run. We’re keeping them on the run. One by one the terrorists are learning the meaning of Longhorn justice.”

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The Kingpin, Enemy #1

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Frandullah, Enemy #2

“Our worst defeat to date, is the loss of Oklahoma State against the City of Troy. I saw 300, and those guys are some bad sons-a-bitches. You see, the… thing is what they need to do is get over to Norman, to get Stoops-bollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over.”

Conference Power Rankings. The best part of the roundtable is voicing how we believe the conference teams rank each week, from top to bottom. So, go ahead, let us know who’s up and who’s down in your book this week.

  1. Oklahoma
  2. Dick Cheney
  3. Texas
  4. Missouri
  5. Nebraska
  6. Kansas
  7. Texas Tech
  8. Kansas State
  9. Oklahoma State
  10. Texas A&M
  11. Baylor
  12. Colorado
  13. Iowa State

There you have it. You may have noticed that there are a few questions missing. G. W. has been known to dance around topics that may upset particular constituents every now and then. Nobody really questions him and you shouldn’t either. I hear his friend Richard backs him up (and that guy eats glass shards and pickled baby feet for breakfast).

Posted in Big 12, blog love, Dick Cheney is a bad motha - shut yo mouth!, empty promises, Oklahoma, Roundtables, Texas A&M, txhny | 3 Comments »

We’re not supposed to show you this but…

Posted by RubyLynn on September 6, 2007

We couldn’t help ourselves. College football fans everywhere deserve to know who’s responsible for the return to normal clock rules. So from all of us at Gabriel’s Horn, you’re welcome. We received the following memo from the NCAA a while back, and thought it would be a crime not to post it.

final-memo.jpg

Our personal information has been redacted.

Since the Gabriel’s Horn is no Colin Cowherd we’d like to extend our own thanks to Wizard of Odds, CFBstats, the fans, and above all God for their assistance in our endeavor to keep the NCAA under our manicured thumb. Truly, we couldn’t do it without you.

Oh – and don’t think we haven’t noticed this new kickoff rule. We’re reserving judgment until a few conference games have been played, but NCAA Rules Committee – you’re on notice. If we don’t like it – the consequences will NOT be pretty.

Posted in corporate whores, empty promises, Secret Memos, themaskedwino, Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

Kicking it up a notch…

Posted by TxHny on August 27, 2007

Fans, friends, family, really bored people, the rest of blogdom and hopefully not any law school admissions officers or my employer:

Gabriel’s Horn is on the web. I know many of you spent countless nights tossing and turning regarding the fate of our widely acclaimed newsletter. JB and I officially graduated and entered the grown up work force, which is a scary thought in and of itself, but if anything we now have more time to drag the nets and come up with the bottom dwellings of college football fresh for you. In case you were worried, we’ve also promoted The Masked Wino from draft editor to full time contributor. Now, rather than get your dose of Longhorn updates, the status of Mark Mangino’s pregnancy, stats and trash talking about anyone and everyone just once a week, you’ll get a little taste of what we’re servin’ up all week long. (What can we say, our stamina is improving.)

Shortly we’ll get all of the old issues up in the archives and we’ll certainly have your favorite features back from the paper newsletter. Plus, now with TMW on board, we have a whole slate of fresh ideas that we found at the bottom of a few wine bottles over the weekend.

It is no secret that if our blog could have a crush, it would be on Burnt Orange Nation and EDSBS. (Our blog can have as many crushes as it wants. So there.) As such we were inspired and slightly enamored by this article: PB’s Oath To Elevating The Discourse. As we kickoff our entry into blogdom, we felt this is the perfect time to make our own pledge. We should point out that if you are looking for elevated discourse on Texas sports, you should totally check out BON, because Peter Bean is a better person than any of us. We have no intention to undermine his endeavor, but we solemnly pledge the following.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in blog love, empty promises, random babble, txhny | Leave a Comment »