Gabriel's Horn

A terribly biased view of sports through the Eyes of Texas.

Throwback – Tech Students Riot

Posted by TxHny on November 7, 2007

This is an article brought out from the print-archives of yesteryear (last year to be exact). The article is a little dated, but it was so good, I couldn’t resist reposting for your reading pleasure. As always, thanks for your input Stephon, you’re a real American hero.

 

Tech Students Riot In Bout to Get Mascot Changed
By: Stephon Oceantombs, Guest Columnist

 

 

Lubbock erupted into fiery, dust ridden chaos Monday as students rioted in hopes to get the mascot of the school changed to a pirate in honor of coach Leach. 

 

 

Over the years, a certain disdain has grown over the current mascot of “Raider Red” and the Masked Rider, with very few students actually knowing what either one was for. “I’ve always been concerned with vandalizing the UT bus more than anything else… Oh, and beer”, was the answer given by Hunter Killsalot from Cut & Shoot when asked why he didn’t know what the two mascots were for. The answers from other students were similar, with most of them thinking more about where the nearest STD test facility was located and how they were going to afford the MIP ticket they got last week. 

 

 

This whole fiasco started after the New York Times featured an article about coach Leach and his affinity for pirates. This and Tech’s recent bout with a disease called “massive suck so bad we lose to Colorado” led to students, in a drunken rage, questioning the usefulness of the mascot. One student was heard screaming “What the @#$%@ is a masked rider?!” with others questioning Tech’s decision not to go with some other mascot. “They could have given us a mythical creature, like an Aggie or something. That would have been better than a masked rider” said Angela Fratwhore from Cotton Center as she finished off her 40 and attempted to make out with me. She proceeded to explain to me how her two year-old son and two and a half year old daughter could have come up with a better mascot. I would have quoted it here but her speech became so slurred it was impossible understand. 

 

 

Meeting with Coach Leach to discuss the riot, I learned of his support of the students and the mascot change. “Hang on, let me get this dust out of my Jack and coke… Yeah, I think the students are right on track here. Masked riders can’t swing swords, they just shoot things, how sissy is that? If we had a pirate mascot we could have a sword swinger right there on the field with the players (and me!)”, said Leach. His babbling went on to talk little about football but instead focused on the history of pirates and some “booty” that he had claimed at a strip club the night before. I left soon after, since there wasn’t much more I was going to squeeze out of the vault that is Mike Leach. Well, that and the fact that he passed out halfway through writing down a play on a napkin. 

 

Maybe a pirate mascot is what this team needs. Maybe this riot will teach Tech that when they claim to “still ride horses” in their commercial, cars get torched. Or, maybe something just needs to be done to keep the dust out of our beer when the wind starts blowing. Whatever the case may be, the Tech fans are in a fighting mood, the same mood that anyone so liquored up, they’d do their mom, would be. So lock your cars, hide the fact you’re a UT fan and enjoy Lubbock. Just remember, if a Raider gets too close, offer it some beer, it will go away… Or, just puke all over your shoes.

 

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