Gabriel's Horn

A terribly biased view of sports through the Eyes of Texas.

Archive for the ‘themaskedwino’ Category

No, We’re Not Dead.

Posted by RubyLynn on February 21, 2008

Hello out there in Longhorn land!

We just wanted to post something quick to let everyone know we didn’t faint or die from exhaustion at an Obama rally. (Although we did have minor freakouts from the Cowboys poor performance in the playoffs – AGAIN.) We here at the Horn are alive and well; we’re just BIG slackers.

Given that neither Txhny nor I are big basketball fans (don’t get us wrong, we enjoy watching the Horns, but neither of us feel we know enough to put any sort of commentary online), we haven’t posted much over the past few months.

This will mainly be a football blog come late summer/early fall, but we’re hoping to post some baseball content every once in a while now that the season is here.

Thanks for those of you who have commented and emailed saying you miss us!


TheMaskedWino & Txhny

And for those of you who have yet to vote: Freedom is popular again.


Posted in empty promises, random babble, themaskedwino, Tony Romo - hate hate hate | 4 Comments »

Dick Cheney Says…

Posted by RubyLynn on November 29, 2007


Bruins are easier prey than quail … or lawyers.

Posted in basketball, Dick Cheney is a bad motha - shut yo mouth!, themaskedwino | 5 Comments »

It’s Business, It’s Business Time

Posted by RubyLynn on November 21, 2007

“When it’s with me, you only need two minutes, girl”

We’re thankful for…

Reese Witherspoon. Beautiful, successful, and a wonderful actress. My personal fave is Election.

And another actor with a beautiful voice…

Ewan McGregor. Great actor who does great movies. I’m such a sucker for a man with a beautiful voice.

Posted in Business Time, themaskedwino | Leave a Comment »

The Texas Toast – Summit Extra Pale Ale

Posted by RubyLynn on November 21, 2007

We here at the Horn are a big fan of pale ones (please observe our boyfriends as Exhibits A and B), so when I made a trip to Minneapolis/St. Paul this past weekend to visit a good friend (and great host!), I had to try Summit Brewery’s Extra Pale Ale.

Extra pale? We’re in heaven.

A local favorite in the Twin Cities, it’s brewed in St. Paul and is available pretty much everywhere up there on tap or in bottles. The Summit EPA has a rich hoppy flavor and has a nice smooth finish with sweet and fruity undertones. If it’s available where you are, definitely pick some up. Summit’s also got the Winter Ale out, and I have it on good authority that it’s pretty good. I would have tried it myself, but I was awfully full on margaritas (Apparently my margarita-making skills were the only reason I was invited to Minnesota in the first place.) You can check out the specs on the extra pale ale and Summit’s other brews at Summit Brewing.

I give the Summit Extra Pale Ale a solid 4.1/5.0.


Posted in Texas Toast, themaskedwino | Leave a Comment »

Project Runway – Football Style

Posted by RubyLynn on November 14, 2007

Tonight. Bravo. 9pm. Get excited!

We here at the Horn are ECSTATIC that the new season of Project Runway premieres tonight. We are especially excited that we’ve recruited Tim Gunn to critique some of football’s fashions. Don’t mess with the Gunn… or you’ll get shot!

I’m a little worried.

Well, I certainly admire your camaraderie, but wearing white after labor day is simply a faux pas, even in College Station. And I don’t get the red shoes, is that some sort of nod to the Wizard of Oz?

Oh, Coach Fran. I understand your man-mammaries are a problem area, but you’ve just got to make it work!

Oregon Football. Sometimes less is more! All of these tire treads remind me of Angela’s unnecessary rosettes!

Oh Mark. When will you learn? You’ve got a lot of problem areas here. I think it might help to choose some elongating garments. Perhaps something with a vertical line to it. You’re only as fat as you dress yourself.

Visors are SO last national championship. And really, pleated pants? How revolting!

I love this homage to the military thing that’s happening, but I wonder if it’s not a little confusing? I don’t really understand the tall boots with the short sleeves. Those boots are so hot this season when styled correctly.

Oh, where to start. I’m a little worried about this trend you’ve created. Those spray-painted S’s make me think of those god-awful message tees that were too popular for too long. What kind of a statement are you trying to make anyway? Are you super? Is the designer super? I’m just a little confused here. I think you might have to start from scratch with this one.

Thanks Tim! Great insight!

Posted in themaskedwino, tv shows we love | 1 Comment »

Business Time

Posted by RubyLynn on November 14, 2007

“You were like, “that’s it?” and I know you’re really like, “awww yeah…. that’s it.”

Adriana Lima. She speaks three languages, was discovered when she was 13, has been classified as the world’s sexiest virgin, and she dedicates her spare time and money to the ‘Caminos Da Luz’ orphanage in Bahia, her native home town in Brazil. We here at the Horn have a HUGE girl crush on this one. Wonder. Woman.

And in honor of Veteran’s Day earlier this week…

Nothing’s sexier than a man in uniform.

Especially when that man (in this case Navy’s Hawaiian QB Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada) will not only fight for our country, but against Notre Dame too!

Posted in Business Time, themaskedwino | Leave a Comment »

Meet The Opponent – Texas Tech

Posted by TxHny on November 9, 2007


This week we have a battle of the interior against our fellow Texans at Tech. I always look forward to playing Tech, especially when they are in Austin. Those Tech sonsabetches drink like fish when they get into a wet city, which usually provides entertainment for us local folks.

But on to what you are interested in – who is going to win the game this weekend and why? There are some Longhorn fans (one in particular, who I had a rather long GChat ‘discussion’ with regarding most of the following) who think Texas is going to lose this weekend. The argument:


  • Tech has the number 1 passer in the nation.
  • Tech has the number 1 and 4 of the top ten receivers in the nation.
  • Texas has some pretty significant injuries.
  • Texas has a less than stellar pass defense.
  • Tech does have a “weak” run defense, but less than half of Texas’ yards are rush yards.
  • Tech has the No. 7 pass defense in the nation.
    • Oh, and the best we’ve played are the Number 56 and 57 pass defenses. (OU and KState)
  • Texas’ top rushers are:
    • Jamaal Charles (awesome.)
    • Colt McCoy (really?)
    • Vondrell McGee (if only he could get more plays…)
    • John Chiles (WTF!?)
  • Texas has corners that are around 5’10, and they have receivers that are 6’2.

If you look at it that way, it looks like perhaps he has a point. This doesn’t bode well for Texas. We’ve got one key rusher and we’re facing the best past defense in the nation. That makes it tough for us to get points on the board. On the other side, as far as defending this air bombardment, there is a reason I didn’t list our pass defense’s rank. (Just comfort yourself in knowing that it is better than Texas A&M’s.) Who cares about our rush defense – Tech isn’t going to run it.

However, I still think the Longhorns will come out on top this year. Why? I’m so glad you asked.

The big, big reason I believe this is because of Tech’s current record. They have 6 big games this year. They’ve got two left with Texas and Oklahoma to finish out the end of the season. The other four ‘big’ games were Colorado, Mizzou, Oklahoma State and Texas A&M. Three losses and a W against Fran&Co. So who exactly has Tech been smacking around with the air attack and pass defense? I give you the list of Tech’s prestigious wins this season: SMU, UTEP, Rice, Northwestern State, Iowa State, and Baylor.

Don’t get me wrong, Texas certainly hasn’t played a list of powerhouses, but I think our schedule is stronger than Tech’s. If we had that same schedule, I think our numbers would be a bit different.

A closer look….


Passing – Advantage: TEXAS TECH

This is certainly Texas Tech’s strong point. Gimmick offense it may be, however, it is working for them. Graham Harrell has put up 4412 yards, completing 73.5% of his passes. Yes friends, that is 441 yards per game in the air. Harrell has several options, but hooks up most frequently with 5 WRs led by the kingpin, Michael Crabtree. Crabtree has 1512 yards this season, averaging 150 yards a game. Amendola is close behind with 1014 yards, at 100 yards a game. The rest is split between Eric Morris, Edward Britton and Grant Walker, who collectively have less yards than Crabtree.

Texas on the other hand splits the offense a little more evenly between passing and rushing. Colt McCoy has completed 65.6% of passes for 2632 yards, that’s 260 per game. Colt connects primarily with Nate Jones, Quan Cosby and Jermichael Finley (628, 519, and 500 yards respectively.)

However, to make things a little more even, the Masked Wino has done an excellent comparison of situations in similar games.

Passing Yards (Texas/Tech)

Rice 333/481
Iowa State 298/460
Oklahoma State 282/646
Baylor 293/490

TOTAL 1206/2077

You’ll see here that Tech certainly has more yards on us for similar opponents.

Rushing – Advantage: Texas

Tech’s top three rushers garner a measly 725 yards (Shannon Woods, Koby Lewis, and Aaron Crawford). Texas on the other hand has many more rushing weapons, led by Jamaal Charles with 1192 yards. The top 5 rushers for the Longhorns have 1959 yards this season. Take a look at the head to head comparison provided by TMW.

Rushing Yards (Texas/Tech)

Rice 227/111
Iowa State 216/29
Oklahoma State 307/72
Baylor 177/73

TOTAL: 927/285

Texas seriously outnumbers Tech in this department, which should come as no surprise to you.

Offensive Summary, Advantage: Texas Tech

So as far as offense, Texas is half and half and Tech is the airball. If we look at the head to head chart (for similar games of course), Tech has the advantage – but not by much.

Total Offense (Texas/Tech)

Rice 560/592
Iowa State 514/489
Oklahoma State 589/718
Baylor 470/563

TOTAL: 2133/2362

Additionally, first downs are very important, and Texas Tech takes that cake as well, again by very little. I think that means that this will be a defensive battle. Who can hold who to less yards?


Pass Defense – Advantage, Texas Tech

Briefly, Texas has some issues to overcome on defense – but I have been pleased with our growth this year. Is it where I’d like us to be at this point in the season? No, but progress is progress. Does this little discussion here mean I think we have the best defense in the world, no it doesn’t, but I do think it has what it takes to beat Texas Tech.

Tech has allowed 1783 yards on the pass, that’s 178 yards per game. That is a low number. We split our offense, and we have 260 per game. Texas on the other hand has allowed almost 250 yards per game. Again, the Texas D has some issues. However, when we take a closer look at TMW’s chart, it doesn’t look nearly so lopsided.

Opponents’ Passing Yards (Texas/Tech)

Rice 279/212
Iowa State 135/187
Oklahoma State 430/244
Baylor 284/191

TOTAL: 1128/834

Rush Defense – Advantage: Texas

On the rush, Tech has held opponents to 1663 yards this season. Nearly half of those yards came during the three losses this season. (Hence, my other key point: the rush is the key to beating Texas Tech.)

Texas held opponents to only 1011 yards. Two teams were held to less than 10 yards (Rice being -11.)

For the head to head on similar opponents, Texas’ strength on defending the rush becomes clearer.

Opponents’ Rushing Yards (Texas/Tech)

Rice -11/99
Iowa State 93/100
Oklahoma state 164/366
Baylor 8/91

TOTAL: 254/656

Defensive Summary, Advantage: Texas

Opponents’ Total Offense (Texas/Tech)

Rice 268/311
Iowa State 228/287
Oklahoma State 594/610
Baylor 292/282

TOTAL: 1382/1490

Opponents’ First Downs (Texas/Tech)

Rice 17/25
Iowa State 14/17
Oklahoma State 29/29 Baylor 19/21

TOTAL: 79/92

On total defense, Texas has the clear advantage holding the same opponents to less first downs and less total offense. Texas Tech does have a primarily pass offense, but without a solid rushing threat they will have trouble exploiting our defense. Pass defense may be our weakest point, but Texas has a rush/pass offense that Tech may have trouble defending. This isn’t our first rodeo with Tech, and you can bet that we’ll be ready.


Texas will win this game. We have the overall defensive advantage and a serious weapon in Jamaal Charles. The rushing attack is the key to beating Texas Tech.

Texas also has the X-factor and the home field advantage. It causes me near cardiac arrest every game, but even if we are down at halftime we will make adjustments and we will come back and win.

Texas Keys To Winning This Game:

-Pressure pressure pressure on Harrell.
-Make them earn all offensive yards, so no broken tackles. After the first hit, our opponents usually eek out another 3-4 yards until another defender jumps in.
-Rush, rush, pass pass. Wear out their pass defense and expose their joke of a rush defense.
-Colt, we normally give you two credits per game for interceptions, fumbles etc. I’m going to have to ask you to not do that at all, okay?

Credit, thanks, etc:

Posted in Big 12, meat and taters, Meet The Opponent, texas tech, themaskedwino, txhny | 2 Comments »

It’s business, It’s business time

Posted by RubyLynn on November 8, 2007

“That’s why they’re called business socks.”

This week we’re doubling your pleasure.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. They’re multi-gazillionaires (yeah, that’s right. gazillionaires), they control their entire empire, and have escaped child stardom relatively unscathed. You know, except for the rehab thing. Oh, and why the HELL is Ashley dating Lance Armstrong??!? That’s gross.

And for the ladies:

Kyle and Lane Carlson. Successful male models. They put Zoolander AND Hansel to shame.

They are totally football related. See?

Posted in Business Time, themaskedwino | 2 Comments »


Posted by RubyLynn on October 19, 2007


Is it a coincidence that Stephen Colbert, bear-hater, has picked this week to announce his candidacy for president?? I think NOT! He’s clearly a Longhorn fan, and wanted to raise national awareness of the dangers of Bears even further.

That’s right, Baylor. You’re ON NOTICE.

We play Baylor this week, which like last week should be a nice respite from worrying about our beloved Horns. It would certainly be fun to talk about Baylor’s “Air Bear” offense that they stole from Tech. The problem is, Tech actually manages to make it work, and Baylor makes it look silly. Maybe if GuyMo started talking like a pirate it would be more interesting.

Anyways, I hope this year’s game brings at least a little bit of excitement, and gives our boys the confidence they’ll need to play Nebraska next week. Check out one of my favorite blogs, the hilarious BearMeat, to see their take on the game and read their interview with BON. Watch below to see highlights of the 2005 game. It makes me wish for happier times. Scroll to about 4:15 to watch my favorite play.

Posted in Baylor, Big 12, blog love, Meet The Opponent, themaskedwino | Leave a Comment »

Just a quick note…

Posted by RubyLynn on October 15, 2007

Txhny and I are recovering from our journey into enemy territory, so my apologies for the light posting. We’ll be back on track this week, starting tonight or tomorrow with a full review of our weekend. We met a lot of great people, drank way too much beer (repetitive Lonestars if you will), and had lots of fun.

If you’re visiting Gabriel’s Horn for the first time after meeting us at the festival, welcome! Check out our past posts, print archives, and feel free to comment and let us know what you think!


Posted in themaskedwino | Leave a Comment »