Gabriel's Horn

A terribly biased view of sports through the Eyes of Texas.

Archive for August, 2007

Arkansas State, Be Warned: This May Get Ugly

Posted by TxHny on August 31, 2007

> ** Avoid: Robert Killebrew, Lokey and Okam, Brandon Foster
> ** Beware: Jamaal Charles, Limas Sweed, Quan Cosby, Colt McCoy
> ** More Info:

If only scheduling Texas actually came with such a warning.

In any event, gameday is finally here and we’re just as excited as when we almost got an autographed Vince Young jersey for $70 on Craigslist. (Damn scam artists hippies!)

Even though nary a Texas fan is really worried about this game from a win-loss perspective, let’s consider what the Arkansas State Indi….uh… well, we’ll get to that… are bringing to DKR tomorrow. (It feels so good to type that.)

The NCAA has banned certain logos, mascots and trademarks affecting the Arkansas State Indians. As the University considers choices for the new mascot, we will refer to them as the Arkansas State Piglets. Afterall, they are the benign kid sister of the team we all know and loathe: the Arkansas Razorbacks.

Tigger: I sure like bouncing. Wasn’t that fun, Piglet?
Piglet: Y-yes, but the best part is when it stops.

The Piglets have favored the rush in the past, out rushing their opponents by about 300 yards overall in 2006, the most impressive numbers put up by RB Reggie Arnold. They average 4.6 yards per attempt on the rush, which isn’t too shabby.

The passing game is a mixed bag, despite expected improvement this year from Corey Leonard. He was right at 50% last year and threw for 1,321 yards. He hit receivers Jones, Dejohnette and Higgins for 8 TDs, but also threw a painful 8 interceptions. (However, after Miss. State racked up 6 INTs last night this looks comparatively better.)

Special teams leaves much to be desired and another thorn in the side of the Piglets is going to be penalties and turnovers. In addition Leonard’s interceptions, there were 15 fumbles in 2006 and about 50 yards per game in penalties. If Arkansas State wants to at least appear competitive, they will need to avoid these mistakes.

While some of the numbers look encouraging, even a conservative (which we will be) Texas is going to absolutely dominate.

A couple of writers over at the Statesman had a particularly… um…enlightening? No? Okay….. take on this weeks Longhorn debut.

Oh and we have it on good authority that Colt does indeed walk on water. Credit: All those calf raises he did over the summer.

“Ohh, it’s the deep burn. Oh, it’s so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my leg ’cause I did so many. I don’t know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand.”



Posted in meat and taters, Meet The Opponent, politically correct, scheduling | Leave a Comment »

Pay Per View?!

Posted by TxHny on August 31, 2007

While two of your authors will most certainly be at the game, we’re appalled the remainder of the 23 million Texans (not to mention Texas alums out of state) will have to shell out 30 bucks to catch the season opener. (And before the fans from other Texas universities chime in, you know you watch Texas games. Keep your enemies close, right?) The good points of this plan include retaining both arms and legs as a result of not purchasing season tickets, simultaneous beverage consumption with game watching and potentially avoiding contact with any Arkansas fans (which did not go well for me personally in 2004) — we can hardly believe someone hasn’t done something. Now I ask you, WWLD? (What Would Ladybird Do?) She’d have gotten us the game on network television. Rules, my friend, do not apply to Ladybird Johnson.

WWLD? Not put up with PPV.

Since there is in fact nothing we can do about the Pay Per View situation, you have one of three options:

1) Shell out the 30 bucks, call some friends and neighbors over and try this or this. And of course, have some Skinny Dip.

Advisable. You’ll still get to see Charles singe the grass as he blazes down the field and provided you don’t live in Oklahoma, you probably have air conditioning and will be out of the rain. Plus, you can’t have a beer in DKR.

2) Watch the game at a kickass bar like Third Base (6th&Mopac) and spend that 30 bucks on beer. Casual enough that you don’t feel odd in your Texas T-shirt, but classy enough that the floor doesn’t contain “bar sludge.” Perks: a couple of pool tables, shuffleboard, and excellent staff.

Also advisable. Make some instant friends out of strangers, and you’ll be able to catch the rest of college cupcake games on the various screens.

3) Just miss the first week of college football. You know, catch up on some reading. Clean out the fridge. Play a little Xbox.

And be dead to us.

Posted in bars clubs and other hangouts where we drink too much, corporate whores, scheduling, txhny | Leave a Comment »

College Colors Day

Posted by TxHny on August 30, 2007

Barely beating out Dimpled Chad Day (January 4th) and Do Dah Day (May 19th), College Colors Day is in our top 10 favorite holidays of the year (to be disclosed in a later post.)


Promoting awareness of higher education since 2005.

The Collegiate Licensing Company is just brimming over with school spirit (and cardigans, tshirts, onesies, baseball caps, limited edition Hawaiian-style button up shirts, watches, socks, backpacks, jackets, belts, sandals and handbags) for your favorite team. As if the dawn of football season wasn’t enough, this gives you an even better reason to sport your school colors this Friday, August 31st.

Pardon us while we sift through the burnt orange section of our closet to appropriately plan for our attire on Friday. However, if you work with Sooners like I do, be careful. And you thought “Saw ‘Em Off” was bad… (Note to self, add “Dangerous Sooners” to reasons why I like being a girl.)

While this may seem like a self serving initiative for the CLC they have higher education at heart:

“College Colors Day strives to promote higher education in the United States through increased public awareness and celebrates the achievements of colleges and universities in the United States, acknowledging their critical and fundamental importance to the United States.”

We completely agree. Without higher education, this ad wouldn’t be funny.

Posted in like - school spirit!, toothless varmints, txhny | Leave a Comment »

It’s Business, It’s Business Time

Posted by RubyLynn on August 29, 2007

On many blogs (including some of our favorites) written by males there tends to be some regular feature with beautiful women. Or the girls they pick are half naked classless skanks. Whatever. This is our attempt to uh…fill that spot… on the blog. We’d like to up the ante, per se, by picking women that are beautiful and who we don’t mind if our boyfriends ogle (just a little – let’s not get carried away). Why? Because she is sophisticated, charming, or we like her for some other reason. Put plainly: our girl-crushes. But then what about our fellow women? We had to include something for them too, so along with our weekly girl-crush feature, we’ll be serving up a little delicious man candy to go with it. SO without further ado:

Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron. Smart, funny, and a damn good actress.


Paul Rudd
Paul Rudd. Stole our hearts in Clueless and never gave them back.

And because I couldn’t help it:

You taste like a burger. I don’t like you anymore.
“You taste like a burger. I don’t like you anymore.”

Around now you say something sexy like “that’s it?” But I know what you’re thinking. “Aaww yeah… that’s it.”

Posted in Business Time, themaskedwino | 2 Comments »

The Texas Toast

Posted by TxHny on August 28, 2007

TOAST: New Belgium Brewery’s Skinny Dip.

Beer is an important part of tailgating (and for many an integral part of the Sunday hangover) that means its football season once again. If the thought of a new football season has you feelin’ frisky, this week’s Texas Toast is for you.

It is so hot outside, I could go for a Skinny Dip.

Whether you’re naked or not, this beer is citrusy, crisp and refreshing on a hot summer day, (say Noon on Saturday?) With only a 110 calories, 7 grams of carbs and 4.2% of the good stuff this brew won’t ruin your buff bod. We got a six-pack at HEB for about $6.50. Make it quick if you want to try it, this is a seasonal beer and if you miss it you’ll have to wait until next summer!

Show off your six pack and go for a Skinny Dip. Or get naked and swim. Whatever strikes your fancy.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Check out the rest of New Belgium’s fine brews here!

Posted in shameless inuendo, Texas Toast, txhny | 1 Comment »

Kicking it up a notch…

Posted by TxHny on August 27, 2007

Fans, friends, family, really bored people, the rest of blogdom and hopefully not any law school admissions officers or my employer:

Gabriel’s Horn is on the web. I know many of you spent countless nights tossing and turning regarding the fate of our widely acclaimed newsletter. JB and I officially graduated and entered the grown up work force, which is a scary thought in and of itself, but if anything we now have more time to drag the nets and come up with the bottom dwellings of college football fresh for you. In case you were worried, we’ve also promoted The Masked Wino from draft editor to full time contributor. Now, rather than get your dose of Longhorn updates, the status of Mark Mangino’s pregnancy, stats and trash talking about anyone and everyone just once a week, you’ll get a little taste of what we’re servin’ up all week long. (What can we say, our stamina is improving.)

Shortly we’ll get all of the old issues up in the archives and we’ll certainly have your favorite features back from the paper newsletter. Plus, now with TMW on board, we have a whole slate of fresh ideas that we found at the bottom of a few wine bottles over the weekend.

It is no secret that if our blog could have a crush, it would be on Burnt Orange Nation and EDSBS. (Our blog can have as many crushes as it wants. So there.) As such we were inspired and slightly enamored by this article: PB’s Oath To Elevating The Discourse. As we kickoff our entry into blogdom, we felt this is the perfect time to make our own pledge. We should point out that if you are looking for elevated discourse on Texas sports, you should totally check out BON, because Peter Bean is a better person than any of us. We have no intention to undermine his endeavor, but we solemnly pledge the following.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in blog love, empty promises, random babble, txhny | Leave a Comment »