Gabriel's Horn

A terribly biased view of sports through the Eyes of Texas.

I’m Glad I’m A Longhorn – Day 4

Posted by TxHny on November 15, 2007

Alright, alright. I’ll relent… temporarily. My oldest friend in the world is an Aggie, I have an Aggie family member and many, many friends and colleagues from Texas A&M. As Thanksgiving is one week away (celebrating today at the firm), I’ll put it on the record – I’m thankful for Aggies.

I look forward to the Friday game each year and it is in fact, now tightly associated with my family holiday traditions. Furthermore, I’m glad we have a rivalry with a gang that relates to so many things we adore here at Texas: southern hospitality, tradition (in whatever way you define it), football, discipline, world class institutions of higher learning and  a (perhaps slightly unhealthy) love for the greatest state in the land.

Aggies, deep down I know you feel the same way.

gigem_horns.jpg

Tomorrow, we’ll do a defensive rundown on our Lonestar rivals, and the ridicule will resume.

Posted in Texas, Texas A&M, txhny | 3 Comments »

Project Runway – Football Style

Posted by RubyLynn on November 14, 2007

tim-and-heidi.jpg
Tonight. Bravo. 9pm. Get excited!

We here at the Horn are ECSTATIC that the new season of Project Runway premieres tonight. We are especially excited that we’ve recruited Tim Gunn to critique some of football’s fashions. Don’t mess with the Gunn… or you’ll get shot!

tim-gunn-2.jpg
I’m a little worried.

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Well, I certainly admire your camaraderie, but wearing white after labor day is simply a faux pas, even in College Station. And I don’t get the red shoes, is that some sort of nod to the Wizard of Oz?

franchione.jpg
Oh, Coach Fran. I understand your man-mammaries are a problem area, but you’ve just got to make it work!

oregon-uniforms.jpg
Oregon Football. Sometimes less is more! All of these tire treads remind me of Angela’s unnecessary rosettes!

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Oh Mark. When will you learn? You’ve got a lot of problem areas here. I think it might help to choose some elongating garments. Perhaps something with a vertical line to it. You’re only as fat as you dress yourself.

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Visors are SO last national championship. And really, pleated pants? How revolting!

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I love this homage to the military thing that’s happening, but I wonder if it’s not a little confusing? I don’t really understand the tall boots with the short sleeves. Those boots are so hot this season when styled correctly.

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Oh, where to start. I’m a little worried about this trend you’ve created. Those spray-painted S’s make me think of those god-awful message tees that were too popular for too long. What kind of a statement are you trying to make anyway? Are you super? Is the designer super? I’m just a little confused here. I think you might have to start from scratch with this one.

Thanks Tim! Great insight!

Posted in themaskedwino, tv shows we love | 1 Comment »

Business Time

Posted by RubyLynn on November 14, 2007

“You were like, “that’s it?” and I know you’re really like, “awww yeah…. that’s it.”

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Adriana Lima. She speaks three languages, was discovered when she was 13, has been classified as the world’s sexiest virgin, and she dedicates her spare time and money to the ‘Caminos Da Luz’ orphanage in Bahia, her native home town in Brazil. We here at the Horn have a HUGE girl crush on this one. Wonder. Woman.

And in honor of Veteran’s Day earlier this week…

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Nothing’s sexier than a man in uniform.

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Especially when that man (in this case Navy’s Hawaiian QB Kaipo-Noa Kaheaku-Enhada) will not only fight for our country, but against Notre Dame too!

Posted in Business Time, themaskedwino | Leave a Comment »

I’m Glad I’m A Longhorn – Day 3

Posted by TxHny on November 14, 2007

Aggie Jokes are like bellybuttons – everyone has one. Here are a few of my favorites – add yours in the comments – or if you dare, give us your best shot back!

 

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Hey bartender, I know a great Aggie joke. You want to hear it?” The bartender says, “Well, before you tell it I should probably tell you that I went to A&M. And you see those two big guys sitting next to you — they were linebackers for the A&M football team. And those two guys on your other side — they’re Marines, and they used to be in the Corps of Cadets at A&M. Now, are you sure you really want to tell that Aggie joke?” The guy thinks for a second. “I guess not,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to have to explain it five times.”

 

An Aggie student is doing an experiment with a frog. He wants to see how far the frog jumps each time he cuts off a eg. The Aggie student cuts off one of the frogs legs and says, “Jump froggy.” He records in his notebook, “Froggy with three legs jumps one foot.” He cuts off a second leg and says, “Jump froggy.” In his notebook he writes, “Froggy with two legs jumps six inches.” He cuts off its third leg and says, “Jump froggy.” He writes down in his notebook, “Froggy with one leg jumps 3 inches.” Then he cuts off its last leg and says, “Jump froggy.” The frog just sits there. The Aggie says again, “Jump froggy!” but the frog just sits there. Finally, he writes in his
notebook, “Froggy with no legs can’t hear.”

Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco Chase?
On the A&M campus, because that’s the last place you’ll find a football player.

 

How can you tell an Aggie is on location at a drilling rig?
He’s the one throwing bread to the helicopters.

There was a group of Aggie science students that wanted to send a probe to the sun, but some UT students said that was impossible and that the probe would burn up long before reaching the sun. The Aggies replied that they planned to send the probe at night.

 

A Longhorn, a Techster and an Aggie went into a bar for a drink. The longhorn tells the bartender, I’ll have a TC. The bartender says ”what’s that?” . The Longhorn says ”you know, a Tom Collins.” The Techster says ”I’ll have a PC.” The bartender says ”what’s that?” The Techster says “a Pina Colida.” The Aggie says “I’ll have a 15.” The bartender says ”what’s that?” The aggie says “you know — seven & seven”.

Aggie 1: Did you hear the good news? Scientists discovered that Mad Cow Disease is not able to be sexually transmitted.
Aggie 2: What a relief!

Posted in like - school spirit!, Texas, Texas A&M, txhny | 6 Comments »

Texas Toast – Sam Adams!!

Posted by TxHny on November 13, 2007

This week we toast Samuel Adams Winter Lager.

 

You might be confused by the fact that it is 85 degrees out in beautiful Austin, Texas but we are in fact in Winter. The “cooler” season brings championship games, super bowls and –my other love– delicious winter brews.

 

samadamswinter.jpg
Mmm… winter….

 

I’ve personally always been a fan of the Sam Adams regular brews. Tasty but not too filling. This winter ale follows suit, giving you the robust gingery, cinnamony flaver you want in a winter ale without the heavy, full feeling of a typical dark seasonal dark. First brewed in 1989, the folks at Sam Adams have got this one down – and at 200 calories per beer, this one certainly will let you in on the fun without the guilt. (Other seasonal darks are much higher in caloric intake.)

 

Is this the best winter/dark beer I’ve ever had? No it is not. Dark beers are a tough category to top out the charts. This is, however, a great beer that many people will enjoy and will go along perfect with your holiday fare.

 

You can pick up a 6 pack of longnecks at HEB for around $6.50 (nice price!) through January.

 

I give it 3.5 out of 5.

 

wlbottle.jpgwlbottle.jpgwlbottle.jpg

Posted in Texas Toast, txhny | Leave a Comment »

I’m Glad I’m A Longhorn – Day 2

Posted by TxHny on November 13, 2007

You know I love numbered lists. I’m Glad I’m A Longhorn, let me count the ways.

1. No Overalls. No Ugly T-Shirts. Oh, and no overalls. Really?! OVERALLS? We have burnt orange to work with – and we make it look good. You have MAROON – you can’t do anything better with maroon?!

aggie-overalls.jpg

2. We have a “rivalry” with many schools – everyone likes to beat Texas (we’re kind of the yard stick, you know what I mean?) However, I’m happy to say there is no penis envy lurking around Austin. Last week the Aggies sang about beating Texas, wore anti-Texas shirts and did the horns down. Texas on the other hand was focused on beating Texas Tech and completely unconcerned at all with Texas A&M.

3. Cool merchandise. Yes. These are raggedy Aggies. Really. Really?
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4. No pretending, homoeroticism. Which would you rather?
corps.jpg or lhb.jpg

yell-leaders.gif or texas-cheer.jpg
Even Aggies prefer Texas cheer

5. At Texas nobody uses the word “tradition” to justify many, many inexplicable acts.

6. The most revered entity on our campus is not Lassie.

7. Nothing as comical/disgraceful as this: http://www.texags.com/main/forum.main.asp

8. 73-35-5

9. 47 National Championships in 11 sports

10. What Starts Here Changes The World.

Posted in like - school spirit!, Meet The Opponent, Texas, Texas A&M, txhny | 5 Comments »

I’m Glad I’m A Longhorn – Day 1

Posted by TxHny on November 12, 2007

We have a full two weeks to properly prepare ourselves for our annual showdown with our sheepish friends in College Station. Expect some in depth breakdown later in the week. Until then I provide this for your viewing…uh…pleasure.

Man of the House was pretty bad, but this makes me feel much, much better about it. (I was an extra in Man of the House, btw. I’m wearing the Letter I in Fight. 🙂 )

Posted in like - school spirit!, Texas, Texas A&M, txhny | 6 Comments »

A few notes…

Posted by TxHny on November 12, 2007

horn.pngFutbol. While we’re all busy scratching our heads about what it would take to get Texas to the Sugar Bowl, the Longhorn Soccer Ladies picked up another Big 12 Soccer Tournament title. They defeated Texas A&M 2-1 to take the tournament. Congrats ladies.

horn.pngInjuries, good and bad. Senior Tony Hills is out for the last game of the season. Jamaal Charles will have two weeks to heal his heel. Thanks for everything Tony. No news yet about Norton, others.

horn.pngLeach is crazy, new appreciation for Mack Brown. While I sincerely enjoyed Mack’s much needed “meltdown” at the Oklahoma State game, I’m really glad we have a more dignified and respectful coach on our sidelines. This outburst by Mike Leach regarding the officiating at the game is classless, disrespectful and most of all unfounded. That first Longhorn TD was questionable, but that is just the way the game goes. We’ve had calls like that against us many times. Sure, we like to bitch about them, but we aren’t the coach of a football team. Normally Leach’s antics amuse me, but I hope he has to walk the plank for this…

horn.pngBack to life, back to reality. (If you get this joke +5 points for you.) We knew this year was not going to be easy and early on in the year I heard predictions of six losses. I certainly didn’t believe six, but I might have given you four. Texas may not be headed to the MNC, but I think we quieted a lot of dissent on Saturday.

 

“I think we’re back in the mix,” Texas coach Mack Brown said. “What we need to do is play well in two weeks [against Texas A&M]. Then, if something crazy happens and the [Big 12] championship game is a possibility, that would be great. If not, we’re obviously all playing to get in the best place we can get in January.”

Their hopes of making the Big 12 championship game will depend on Oklahoma losing its last two regular-season games against Texas Tech and Oklahoma State. Texas will need to be ranked in the top 14 in the final BCS standings to be considered as an at-large team.

Back in the Saddle, ESPN

horn.pngRetraction of hate, hate, hate. Greg Davis – if that was really you up there in the booth, all I have to say is FINALLY!!!! I was watching the game and a friend remarked, “Did Texas just run a play that no one expected?!” Yes, yes they did. All afternoon the Horns showed offensive depth, originality and execution. Beautiful. Just like that against the Aggies, okay? And Tony Romo, I still don’t like you… but … good game yesterday. There. I said it.

EDIT

Check this out. Spin! Spin! TD!!!!!

Posted in Injuries, random babble, Soccer, Texas, texas tech, Tony Romo - hate hate hate, txhny | 6 Comments »

Meet The Opponent – Texas Tech

Posted by TxHny on November 9, 2007

 

This week we have a battle of the interior against our fellow Texans at Tech. I always look forward to playing Tech, especially when they are in Austin. Those Tech sonsabetches drink like fish when they get into a wet city, which usually provides entertainment for us local folks.

But on to what you are interested in – who is going to win the game this weekend and why? There are some Longhorn fans (one in particular, who I had a rather long GChat ‘discussion’ with regarding most of the following) who think Texas is going to lose this weekend. The argument:

 

  • Tech has the number 1 passer in the nation.
  • Tech has the number 1 and 4 of the top ten receivers in the nation.
  • Texas has some pretty significant injuries.
  • Texas has a less than stellar pass defense.
  • Tech does have a “weak” run defense, but less than half of Texas’ yards are rush yards.
  • Tech has the No. 7 pass defense in the nation.
    • Oh, and the best we’ve played are the Number 56 and 57 pass defenses. (OU and KState)
  • Texas’ top rushers are:
    • Jamaal Charles (awesome.)
    • Colt McCoy (really?)
    • Vondrell McGee (if only he could get more plays…)
    • John Chiles (WTF!?)
  • Texas has corners that are around 5’10, and they have receivers that are 6’2.

If you look at it that way, it looks like perhaps he has a point. This doesn’t bode well for Texas. We’ve got one key rusher and we’re facing the best past defense in the nation. That makes it tough for us to get points on the board. On the other side, as far as defending this air bombardment, there is a reason I didn’t list our pass defense’s rank. (Just comfort yourself in knowing that it is better than Texas A&M’s.) Who cares about our rush defense – Tech isn’t going to run it.

However, I still think the Longhorns will come out on top this year. Why? I’m so glad you asked.

The big, big reason I believe this is because of Tech’s current record. They have 6 big games this year. They’ve got two left with Texas and Oklahoma to finish out the end of the season. The other four ‘big’ games were Colorado, Mizzou, Oklahoma State and Texas A&M. Three losses and a W against Fran&Co. So who exactly has Tech been smacking around with the air attack and pass defense? I give you the list of Tech’s prestigious wins this season: SMU, UTEP, Rice, Northwestern State, Iowa State, and Baylor.

Don’t get me wrong, Texas certainly hasn’t played a list of powerhouses, but I think our schedule is stronger than Tech’s. If we had that same schedule, I think our numbers would be a bit different.

A closer look….

OFFENSE

Passing – Advantage: TEXAS TECH

This is certainly Texas Tech’s strong point. Gimmick offense it may be, however, it is working for them. Graham Harrell has put up 4412 yards, completing 73.5% of his passes. Yes friends, that is 441 yards per game in the air. Harrell has several options, but hooks up most frequently with 5 WRs led by the kingpin, Michael Crabtree. Crabtree has 1512 yards this season, averaging 150 yards a game. Amendola is close behind with 1014 yards, at 100 yards a game. The rest is split between Eric Morris, Edward Britton and Grant Walker, who collectively have less yards than Crabtree.

Texas on the other hand splits the offense a little more evenly between passing and rushing. Colt McCoy has completed 65.6% of passes for 2632 yards, that’s 260 per game. Colt connects primarily with Nate Jones, Quan Cosby and Jermichael Finley (628, 519, and 500 yards respectively.)

However, to make things a little more even, the Masked Wino has done an excellent comparison of situations in similar games.

Passing Yards (Texas/Tech)

Rice 333/481
Iowa State 298/460
Oklahoma State 282/646
Baylor 293/490

TOTAL 1206/2077
ADVANTAGE: TECH

You’ll see here that Tech certainly has more yards on us for similar opponents.

Rushing – Advantage: Texas

Tech’s top three rushers garner a measly 725 yards (Shannon Woods, Koby Lewis, and Aaron Crawford). Texas on the other hand has many more rushing weapons, led by Jamaal Charles with 1192 yards. The top 5 rushers for the Longhorns have 1959 yards this season. Take a look at the head to head comparison provided by TMW.

Rushing Yards (Texas/Tech)

Rice 227/111
Iowa State 216/29
Oklahoma State 307/72
Baylor 177/73

TOTAL: 927/285
ADVANTAGE: Texas

Texas seriously outnumbers Tech in this department, which should come as no surprise to you.

Offensive Summary, Advantage: Texas Tech

So as far as offense, Texas is half and half and Tech is the airball. If we look at the head to head chart (for similar games of course), Tech has the advantage – but not by much.

Total Offense (Texas/Tech)

Rice 560/592
Iowa State 514/489
Oklahoma State 589/718
Baylor 470/563

TOTAL: 2133/2362
ADVANTAGE: TECH

Additionally, first downs are very important, and Texas Tech takes that cake as well, again by very little. I think that means that this will be a defensive battle. Who can hold who to less yards?

DEFENSE

Pass Defense – Advantage, Texas Tech

Briefly, Texas has some issues to overcome on defense – but I have been pleased with our growth this year. Is it where I’d like us to be at this point in the season? No, but progress is progress. Does this little discussion here mean I think we have the best defense in the world, no it doesn’t, but I do think it has what it takes to beat Texas Tech.

Tech has allowed 1783 yards on the pass, that’s 178 yards per game. That is a low number. We split our offense, and we have 260 per game. Texas on the other hand has allowed almost 250 yards per game. Again, the Texas D has some issues. However, when we take a closer look at TMW’s chart, it doesn’t look nearly so lopsided.

Opponents’ Passing Yards (Texas/Tech)

Rice 279/212
Iowa State 135/187
Oklahoma State 430/244
Baylor 284/191

TOTAL: 1128/834
ADVANTAGE: TECH

Rush Defense – Advantage: Texas

On the rush, Tech has held opponents to 1663 yards this season. Nearly half of those yards came during the three losses this season. (Hence, my other key point: the rush is the key to beating Texas Tech.)

Texas held opponents to only 1011 yards. Two teams were held to less than 10 yards (Rice being -11.)

For the head to head on similar opponents, Texas’ strength on defending the rush becomes clearer.

Opponents’ Rushing Yards (Texas/Tech)

Rice -11/99
Iowa State 93/100
Oklahoma state 164/366
Baylor 8/91

TOTAL: 254/656
ADVANTAGE: TEXAS

Defensive Summary, Advantage: Texas

Opponents’ Total Offense (Texas/Tech)

Rice 268/311
Iowa State 228/287
Oklahoma State 594/610
Baylor 292/282

TOTAL: 1382/1490
ADVANTAGE: TEXAS

Opponents’ First Downs (Texas/Tech)

Rice 17/25
Iowa State 14/17
Oklahoma State 29/29 Baylor 19/21

TOTAL: 79/92
ADVANTAGE: TEXAS

On total defense, Texas has the clear advantage holding the same opponents to less first downs and less total offense. Texas Tech does have a primarily pass offense, but without a solid rushing threat they will have trouble exploiting our defense. Pass defense may be our weakest point, but Texas has a rush/pass offense that Tech may have trouble defending. This isn’t our first rodeo with Tech, and you can bet that we’ll be ready.

OVERALL SUMMARY

Texas will win this game. We have the overall defensive advantage and a serious weapon in Jamaal Charles. The rushing attack is the key to beating Texas Tech.

Texas also has the X-factor and the home field advantage. It causes me near cardiac arrest every game, but even if we are down at halftime we will make adjustments and we will come back and win.

Texas Keys To Winning This Game:

-Pressure pressure pressure on Harrell.
-Make them earn all offensive yards, so no broken tackles. After the first hit, our opponents usually eek out another 3-4 yards until another defender jumps in.
-Rush, rush, pass pass. Wear out their pass defense and expose their joke of a rush defense.
-Colt, we normally give you two credits per game for interceptions, fumbles etc. I’m going to have to ask you to not do that at all, okay?

Credit, thanks, etc:
http://www.mackbrown-texasfootball.com
texastech.cstv.com/sports/m-footbl/text-m-footbl-body.html
http://www.cfbstats.com

Posted in Big 12, meat and taters, Meet The Opponent, texas tech, themaskedwino, txhny | 2 Comments »

Tube 4 You: Mike Leach

Posted by TxHny on November 9, 2007

There were so many, I had a very, very hard time selecting.

And a pirate can beat a soldier. Extra nice, because it spites Texas A&M.

Mike Leach doesn’t tolerate your tears, pouting, general bad mood.

Scalpings??

Posted in Meet The Opponent, random babble, texas tech, txhny, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »