Gabriel's Horn

A terribly biased view of sports through the Eyes of Texas.

Big XII Roundtable – State of the Conference Address

Posted by TxHny on September 28, 2007

This week the Bix XII Roundtable hosted over at Crimson and Cream Machine returns. I’ve been frankly quite busy with work, so I’ve let my good friend write the post for me. He’s a little media shy so we’ll just call him “G. W.” to protect his personal privacy. Privacy is very important to G. W. (*Cough* *cough – wheeze* Patriot Act *cough*. You’ll have to excuse me, my allergies are killing me. Damn ragweed. *Sneeze*)

The Big 12 conference has only four unbeaten teams left and has endured numerous embarrassing performances on television. State where you believe the Big 12 ranks among the BCS conferences.

“What are you talking about? Of course the Big XII is the best conference in the world. What? You think the SEC, the Big East, or pff the Pac 10 can mess with us? Don’t mess with Texas. You fool me once well, shame on you. Fool me twice, and you aren’t going to fool me twice. Ya got that? Heh, heh, heh.”

What has been the conference’s best victory and worst defeat so far this season?

“What we need to discuss is the battle at hand: terrorists! We have to devote all possible resources and manpower to taking out these ‘ax-eeze’ of power. We’ve got the terrorists on the run. We’re keeping them on the run. One by one the terrorists are learning the meaning of Longhorn justice.”

image_coachbobstoops.jpg
The Kingpin, Enemy #1

franchione.JPG
Frandullah, Enemy #2

“Our worst defeat to date, is the loss of Oklahoma State against the City of Troy. I saw 300, and those guys are some bad sons-a-bitches. You see, the… thing is what they need to do is get over to Norman, to get Stoops-bollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over.”

Conference Power Rankings. The best part of the roundtable is voicing how we believe the conference teams rank each week, from top to bottom. So, go ahead, let us know who’s up and who’s down in your book this week.

  1. Oklahoma
  2. Dick Cheney
  3. Texas
  4. Missouri
  5. Nebraska
  6. Kansas
  7. Texas Tech
  8. Kansas State
  9. Oklahoma State
  10. Texas A&M
  11. Baylor
  12. Colorado
  13. Iowa State

There you have it. You may have noticed that there are a few questions missing. G. W. has been known to dance around topics that may upset particular constituents every now and then. Nobody really questions him and you shouldn’t either. I hear his friend Richard backs him up (and that guy eats glass shards and pickled baby feet for breakfast).

Advertisements

3 Responses to “Big XII Roundtable – State of the Conference Address”

  1. I heard Dick Cheney once sucker-punched Vince Young, right after making Chuck Norris cry.

  2. txhny said

    I heard Dick Cheney once shot a man in the face and then made him apologize for it.

  3. Larry the Tap Dancing Giant said

    I heard that Dick created a monster a long time ago,
    But accidentally created an incredible foe.
    One that roamed around Austin tearing limbs asunder,
    Raping, pillaging and collecting plunder,
    Who not even a mighty team could slow.

    And yet with a nod and clever rhyme,
    Some parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme,
    The tap dancer arrived on the scene,
    Delivering wisdom, clarity and fine cuisine,
    Until the monster realized that all was sublime.

    Back down the monster certainly would
    Instead of being terribly misunderstood
    He chose to drink and play, be a man reborn,
    Celebrate the world and read Gabriel’s Horn,
    Sit back, relax, and say that “Life is good.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: